My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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