Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
