i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
