scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
