so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
