We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
