My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
