so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
