She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
