Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
