Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
