There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
