i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am puke
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
