Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
