I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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