i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
