Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
