we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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