TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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