after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
