I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
