There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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