Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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