Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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