i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
