ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
