Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
