I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
