he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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