I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You smell like stripper and shame
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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