I look better un-naked...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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