having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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