She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
