you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
