no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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