Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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