I got chris browned last night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
