Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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