I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
