I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
40s are totally the cure
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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