It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
