Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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