Do you still have your period?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
