he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
