I got chris browned last night
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
