I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
