when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
