i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
