Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
