I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He shit in the fireplace
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
