I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
