Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this just has baby written all over it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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